2026

Going Home in November Makes Me Anxious

| Ben

Hey folks! I hope you’re in good health and hope you’re generally happy.

I haven’t been feeling too well over the past couple of weeks. If you have kept up with me over the years, you’ll know that I have some really unfortunate issues with my digestive system and they’re giving me a bit of grief. It’s been hard to keep anything down at times, and I’ve been getting very nauseated when I’m at work, so I’ve missed a lot of work. I’m about to submit a timesheet for the hours of hours worked and I can guarantee you that I’m going to get bitched at on Monday.

I won’t concentrate on my physical health issues but I will talk about the mental health implications of heading back home at the end of the year.

I’m generally a person who expects change and for the most part, I am not afraid of things changing but when it comes to my family, it really scares me and makes me sad. You see, I moved permanently from the. USA to Australia when I was 26 years old and I’ve been here mostly from then.

I’ve been away for so long that I no longer have any living grandparents. I have aunts, uncles, and cousins I haven’t seen for probably a decade or more. My dad passed away while I was visiting about 15 years ago and I ended up staying in Texas for almost one year. I eventually came back.

The hardest part of living overseas is the fact that I have missed out on so much. My nephews and niece are all adults now with babies of their own. All of my cousins are all grown up, getting married and having children. Family members have passed away or no longer speak to me (mostly because of the gay interracial marriage thing).

Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like if I didn’t move here. I’m not sure I would or could have accomplished as much as I could have if I was in the USA. I probably should get over it, but I’m pretty content with the quality of my life in Australia, but I miss my family. Well, 99% of them.

People here ask me whether I will ever move back to the USA and I don’t know if I can. I’d like to if my life’s quality would be the same, but it wouldn’t be. As my mother gets older, it worries me that I’m “wasting time” being here. She wasn’t always the best mother in my opinion, but being older and more experienced (and educated) has helped me understand her a lot better. She did her best with the cards that were dealt to her.

People move away from home all the time whether it’s for relationships, work, or to live a better life. I wonder whether they struggle the way I do. (Let me explain that: I handle it a lot better than I used to, but find that I’m getting more depressed about it. People at work ask me if I’m okay a lot. They can tell.)

Let me say that I am excited to go back home to see my family at the end of the year, or what’s left of it. I don’t much care for the policial climate, but well, this is what the American people wanted. I hope normalcy and common sense returns to the USA at some point regardless of what political party is running the country. My heart aches for people there.

Anyway, this is why I haven’t posted anything here for a while. Venting makes me feel a bit better. That is all. Take care of yourselves!

20 Years… Already?

| Ben

20 years ago, I decided to finally move to Australia because it was starting to get very expensive to travel between the USA and Australia 2-3 times per year so I could spend time with the person who I loved at the time and to study as an international student.

I originally came to Australia in early 2001 to be with my partner at the time. We had met in the USA a year or so earlier and he was traveling a lot to come and see me. I finally told him that I would be happy to work 3 jobs for 6 months, go to Australia and spend 6 months with him. So I did that until 2006.

On one of my trips, I walked into a international student sort of hub where they would hook up people with study programs, so that’s what I did. They did a lot of the heavy lifting for me, and in 2006, I came to Australia as an international student. Studied, got my degree, then applied for a partner visa.

Australian flag
Have I mentioned how much I love Australia? I love Australia.

I was granted a transitional partner visa in 2008, and around 2010, it was made into a permanent partner visa. My partner at the time was away a lot for work, and I spent a lot of time by myself, which was very hard for me mentally. But that had started while I was studying. Though I valued my partner’s work ethic, I missed him being around physically. So I was sad, depressed, and very anxious. (My ex and I are still friends and speaking of that, he’s coming by soon. It’s the first time that my husband and he meet.)

Anyway, in 2012, a friend of mine talked me into getting Australian citizenship. I was wondering why I would need it in the first place, but I thought about not having to renew my permanent residence every few years. So I went for it. It happened so quickly.

I haven’t really looked back since then. I absolutely love this country. Nowhere is perfect, but, to me, Australia is definitely a wonderful place to live and I feel so lucky to be able to call Australia home now.

A lot of people ask me if I plan to go back to the USA to live and I just don’t think it’s likely. I’ve studied more and I’ve got a good, secure job here. I’ve got a new partner (who was also an international student and a migrant). I’ve got a sweet sausage dog. And this work-life balance I have over here is incredible. I love it!

USA flag
I still have some love for the USA, but it’s only because my family is there.

Having said that, I do miss my family a lot. I didn’t come here with an unsupportive family and friends. This is probably the hardest part of my life, but then I remember that the people who I have dated (or married) have gone through the same thing, and I’ve got a little bit of support here.

I’ve booked my tickets back to the USA for about 2 months at the end of the year. It will be so good to spend time with them while I’m there, but I always make it clear that I must come back to Australia because I’ve left little parts of my heart over here.

Anyway, happy 20 years to me!

Ps: This isn’t the exact date for 20 years, that’s on the 6th!

Dash the Dachshund

| Ben
Hello, Dash

I can’t say I’ve been too busy to mention it, but after Marley didn’t work out, I took a bit of a break. I had reserved two weeks off to spend time with Marley and do some heavy duty training, but unfortunately, my partner insisted that I send her back. Those two weeks were originally planned to finish up my study, but at that time, I was begging the university to withdraw from my studies. The course coordinator would not accept my withdraw application. So, I finished it and I have a new degree and applying for jobs with my new credentials and, as much as I hate studying, I am trying really, really hard not to study more.

I guess that is the silver lining about me bringing Marley back to the rescue. I would rather have kept her, behaviours and all, but well, here we are.

Months later, after I graduated, I started looking for dachshund puppies. I looked at reputable breeders, but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to give an older dachshund a better life. I applied with Dachshund Rescue Australia for a 7-year-old male dog and was accepted. From what I understand, he was a breeding dog and the owners didn’t want him once he got a little older. He also had a toenail missing on his “thumb”. He also had a few lumps which have been removed. Oh, and he also got desexed (or for us Americans, neutered) so really, he has no more obligation to be used to make money.

Dash has been absolutely beautiful. He’s such a good dog (for the most part). He’s good with people, kids, and around other dogs. When I first got him, he wouldn’t bark much and anybody who knows dachshunds knows how loud and vocal they can be. That’s changed a bit now that he’s more comfortable at home. I don’t mind the barking. Really. He will bark every so often when he looks out the window and sees someone walking a gigantic dog. He doesn’t bark at the small ones.

I take him on walks and he doesn’t take ME for a walk. I can walk him on a leash/lead and just hold it with one finger. He doesn’t run after anything.

He had been trained to sleep in a dog bed next to the bed, but he sleeps next to me now. He is a great leg warmer.

He’s great company and I can’t express just how much of a good boy he is. He’s so sweet and so well-behaved. He’s good in the car and when I go pick up food, he doesn’t automatically try to tear open the bags. He will look out the window when I drive and he doesn’t bark. He just looks at everything.

I’m just hoping to give him a great life. I’ve had him for about a month now. It’s the best month of my life in a really long time. I’m very thankful to have such a good boy.

Happy New Year

| Ben

Happy New Year Everyone!

Today’s New Year’s Eve! So here’s hoping that your night is fun and safe! No big plans for me and that’s okay. I’m just going to take things easy this year.

I hope your 2026 sucks less than 2025 and you find all the happiness you want!

See you in the new year–you know, new year, new me. (Doctor’s forcing me to go to the gym, by the way. Haha.)

A New Year, A New Me

| Ben

You know something? 2026 is going to be my year.

Okay, that might not be entirely true and you know something? That’s perfectly fine. As long as I am adequately happy and in decent health, I’d say that version of me is good.

The last few years have been pretty painful, mostly because I am starting to struggle a bit with some new neurological issues which I’ve been expecting. They’re getting worse and it’s starting to affect how I work and do my job. So, 2026? It’ll suck… some days. Other days, I’m sure it won’t suck as much.

What do I want to do in the new year? Well, I have put on about 7 kilograms (that’s about 15 pounds for you Americans). I probably should stop being so lazy and get some use out of my gym membership.

I refuse to cancel that gym membership! Don’t give me that look!

Well, new me or new you, we’re all along for the ride. I’m going to make it a point to be nicer to the person who puts up with my mood swings and one hundred sick days. I’m going to try to pay off debt then work less so that my stress levels decrease. Perhaps use that neglected gym membership. No more studying for a degree I don’t need. Eat less expensive, garbage food.

How’s that? Did I pass the obligatory new year post?