Thought Machine

Project Empty House

| Ben

Before we start, I’m not asking for anything. This is a little project that I thought about doing when I was younger, but it never materialised and I’m glad that it didn’t.

After I graduated high school (a lot longer than I’d like to think about) and when dial-up was still going strong (something else I’d rather not think about), I thought about doing a social project that involved an empty house. The plan was to see what lengths the general public would go to help someone they didn’t know when they had nothing.

The plan was simple, but flawed.

My plan would be to rent an empty apartment (or house) and move nothing inside except very bare essentials such a little food, drink, and a few changes of clothes. I would have a website where people could send things to me and I could document it and put it to use no matter how useful or useless it is. My plan would be to pay for the apartment and work, but that’s all.

It sounded like a pretty interesting social experiment on paper. Realistically, I don’t think it could have worked out very well. Something like this definitely would not work.

And why not?

Privacy

This would have been an absolute privacy nightmare. I had planned to document everything and put up webcams so people could see how it was going. One of the things I wanted to do is show that the things people were being used. I couldn’t see this working because these things needed a shipping address.

When I first did a personal website, I panicked when I was at work and a few people came up to me and said that they have seen my website and started talking to me about my personal life. At the time, I was dating an Australian guy and was posting blog posts that documented everything about us. So, people found out that I was gay and at the time, I lived in a small town. It was the kind of place where word-of-mouth travels fast and the people who live there are not very openminded. It was after a few encounters that I toned that down a bit.

It also made me rethink this project.

Entitlement and/or Laziness

I am able-bodied and can work. I carry around a huge amount of anxiety but I can work. When I told that Australian partner about my project, he asked me “Why would anybody send you anything?” Really, he’s right. We chatted and he said there are people who genuinely cannot work and wished they could. Why take resources away from someone else who can use it?

As I’ve gotten older, I come across people from Tiktok and other places who routinely beg (e-begging), lie about their needs, and then go use the money to assist in their self-destructive habits. It bothers me because people give them money because they lie that their children are sick or lying that they have cancer (and they’ve been CAUGHT lying already). I hate this not because they’re getting money but because of the lying.

Hoarding Potential

I have never had problems getting rid of things but I could imagine getting way too much at the time. I don’t operate well with clutter. I’ve had family members and friends who lived in cluttered surroundings and it would make me so anxious being around it. I’m not a fan of not having breathing room. Or roaches. Or mice. Or anything like that. No thank you.

Would something like this work today?

Absolutely not. I wouldn’t do it if someone paid me to do this. Times were a little different then anyway. I see a lot of struggling today with rising costs and the reaction to “expect” something in return for nothing or slight entertainment just isn’t worth it. I think that people can work if they really want to. I can work. Do I want to? Not all the time. I wouldn’t object to winning the lottery. But depending 100% on the general public isn’t the way to go.

I’m also not interested in playing my life in front of others anymore. What you see here is about 5% of my life. It’s mostly just random thoughts posted up.

Plus, I’m not that interesting anymore. I’m no longer a twink. I’m no longer young. Gay/bi men just don’t care anymore anyway.

That’s it for now. Every so often I think about this and how interesting it would have been to see the kindness of others. But you know something? I think I would rather have someone donate to someone who could use the extra help.

AI Doesn’t Live Here

| Ben

This blog post was not brought to you by AI. I’m keeping things real.

Recent findings have found that a large proportion of web content now contains data that is AI generated. Some sources say that this is over 74% which is incredible.

You’ll probably be able to tell that I don’t use AI in my writing. Every so often I will use it to steer me in the direction I need to go in my research and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t using some form or another to even write this. That’s mostly because web search doesn’t exist like it used to. AI is pretty much just forced down everybody’s throats these days. You end up using it in one form or another regardless of what you do.

One of my side jobs is programming. I studied at one of Australia’s top universities in games and multimedia development and programming language proficiency was a core principal of that. I don’t work in that field as much anymore, but I knew years ago that this whole AI thing would be trouble for coders. It’s everywhere now, embedded in the IDEs. When I do code, I use it to be lazy. I’ve “developed” (and I used that loosely) web-based applications where my input has been minimal. It does an okay job. There are huge hiccups and errors at times, but more or less it does an okay job… with a little editing, it just works. Scary shit.

I have to say that I’m thankful that I have another profession where AI cannot take over.

I come from an era where we were just getting the internet at home and back then it was fun because you weren’t relying on AI to do everything for you. You could make efforts to find information and learning from it. Now, it’s more like: “Why would I read this when AI will read AND interpret it for me?” This is going to have some really serious and scary implications in the future, especially healthcare.

I don’t want AI thrown into everything I do on the web but it’s like I don’t have much of a choice these days. I feel like I can’t trust anything anymore. Being online isn’t as fun as it used to be. I feel like such a boomer for saying that (and I’m not, okay?). I miss the good old days when technology was new and home computer availability was becoming a thing. I miss having a reason to think about things and not have AI take care of everything.

It’s nice having web browsers that don’t have the AI thing shoved into it. It’s kind of why I use VIvaldi. I didn’t ask for AI in my web browser and I’m glad it’s not there. If, and that’s a big IF, I want to use AI, I have that option. I just don’t want it shoved down my throat like religion in the USA.

Having said all of this stuff, my posts will always be written by me. There will be spelling mistakes, grammatical mistakes, and general weirdness. I do use the double dash, so just keep that in mind. I’ve stopped myself a few times on this post!

Please remember: it’s okay to learn things–to do things yourself. AI is not completely evil. It’s just absurdly overused. I’m tired of it. Unfortunately, there’s no escape from it.

The Case for Apple’s Magic Mouse

| Ben

We’ve all heard the criticisms of Apple’s Magic Mouse which has no left or right click buttons and you have to charge it by plugging it in on the bottom. Those are some pretty big engineering flaws. They come in the box with the iMac, so I have one that I still use with my old Intel iMac.

A lot of people complain about the mouse that’s a standard inclusion with the iMac and I was one of them. I didn’t like that it was too flat and that I had to wait to use my computer while I charged it but now I have changed my mind.

Why? Why do I like it now?

I suffer from essential tremor which is a neurological condition that comes with involuntary shaking. It usually affects the hands and arms, but can also affect other body parts like the head. It also can affect a person’s voice. It can significantly impact daily activities like writing, eating, and using tools. It can also causes emotional impacts like embarrassment and anxiety. It has gotten to the point so that I now have to take beta-blockers to help control it.

I cannot tell you how many times I have double- or triple-typed keys while typing this. I used to write code and I am surprised that I haven’t worn out the delete key yet. I also tend to type the letters f or j for no reason. It’s embarrassing when I’m at work and people see me getting frustrated while typing.

What I have a huge problem is using a mouse. I end up clicking things 2-5 times in a row which means things get selected that I didn’t want selected, windows get maximised when I don’t want them to be, and I drag and drop stuff on the screen all the time. I’ve tried different mice to be able to find one that is a bit tougher and it won’t pick up every single click of the mouse. I haven’t had much luck with it until I realised that the Magic Mouse I swapped was the best option.

Sure, it’s not my favourite mouse, but I have found that it really helps with accidental clicking of stuff. My extra clicking is very light but sensitive mice kind of register them as clicks. The Apple Magic Mouse doesn’t do that and I’ve gone back to using that instead. I miss the extra buttons, but I’m also relieved that I’m not clicking on everything accidentally.

Essential tremors are embarrassing for me. They disrupt a lot of aspects of my life and over the years, it’s gotten worse. I seriously get sad and depressed over it. But, this badly designed mouse has helped me get at least some control over my computer use. Now, if I can find a keyboard that would work for me, that would be fantastic.

(Disclaimer: The links to the mouse are Amazon affiliate links so if you buy it through Amazon, I get a commission for it. Having said that, this is a product that helps me from personal experience and I thought I’d share it with you.)

Diminishing

| Ben

I’ve been neglecting this weblog. Hell, I’ve been neglecting my personal website.

I don’t really feel bad about it… well, maybe I do a little bit because I am posting this here.

The need for a personal website becomes a lot less necessary because I feel as if I’m pretty content with not oversharing anymore. I do focus a bit on my mental and physical health because, well, I need some sort of therapy somewhere. Luckily, I’ve been able to handle my mental health issues in other ways. That probably makes me look like I complain a lot.

So, what do I do? I’ve been reducing my digital footprint for years and feel like I am just wasting money (and time) keeping it going. My need for expressing myself on a soapbox has been diminishing for years. I feel like no one cares anymore.

That’s not necessarily a bad thing though.

So do I keep these little projects going? Or do I let it die. I’m still trying to decide. I have until the end of the year to make the decision to remove the life support. I guess we’ll see, won’t we?

I hope you are all well.

My Struggles with Anxiety, Part 138,392,873

| Ben

I feel like a majority of my Tweets and Toots (on Mastodon) is about my sleep quality. Okay, let me narrow that down to horrible sleep quality. I am telling you people, my sleep has been horrendous since I applied for the job I applied for.

I haven’t heard anything. I’ve poked and prodded. Still, I’ve heard nothing.

But this is the thing: I don’t need that job. I am pretty content at the place I am at now, but I crave a change, but at the same time, I am happy if that change doesn’t happen.

What’s driving me crazy though is knowing whether I got the job or not. Sure, it’ll give me something else to think about because it will no doubt uproot my personal life and cause a few issues with my husband’s job and visa. So, I said I would cross that bridge when I got it. The new place is honestly a place where I would LOVE to work at in a city that I would love to live in again.

I don’t know. I want to get back to the life I had when I first moved to Australia. I miss the city. At a time when people want to move away, I want to move closer to (or better yet, in) a big city.

Having said this and the state of my mental health, I don’t think that the next podcast episode will arrive in the time frame I planned. No big deal because we have to look out after ourselves first, right?

I just really wish that I had a normal functioning mind where the what-ifs don’t control me. I wish I didn’t constantly question myself and my decisions. I wish that the decisions that don’t make a difference in my life, um… don’t bother me as much. This is my struggle with anxiety right now.

A Singing Web Browser

| Ben
Opera GX
A web browser for gamers

Once upon a time, I used to use Opera as my main web browser. One day, it seemed to lose its way and the web browser was sold off to a Chinese company. I stopped using it because I found a new web browser that was started by Opera’s founder called Vivaldi. That’s my main browser now.

Every so often, Opera comes out with an interesting product that I try out. First was their concept browser called Opera Neon, then came Opera GX, a web browser targeting gamers.

I have to admit that it’s pretty cool.

The latest update adds adaptive background music which means that it plays music while you use it. You can change the sound by surfing the web, typing in text boxes, or opening new tabs. It’s pretty cool. It feels really space age and got me thinking about revisiting music creation. How’s that for inspiration?

It also lets me chat, watch other gamers, and stuff at the same time. It’s a pretty handy product if I am feeling social.

Sometimes, I have it open in the background just to listen to the calming sounds it makes. 🙂 It’s nice. If you’re a gamer or want to use a browser that’s not Chrome (but it’s similar), you should download Opera GX.

Download Opera GX for Windows or Mac

(PS: This post isn’t something that I get paid for. It’s just a cool little thing I found. Also, if you’re hardcore-nerdy, you can try out the Beaker browser, which is a P2P browser for web hackers. It’s pretty cool too.)

Money Honey

| Ben

I decided against going back home for the weekend so I can focus myself on a ton of stuff that I need to do. I haven’t actually started on that stuff yet. I had to go pick up some caffeine and sugar first. (I’ve got a lot of typing to do for studies. I’m almost done though.)

I kind of miss my husband though I admit. I saw the question below:

The quick and easy answer: yes.

The longer version is that I would love to stay with him because it means we could do a lot of good things for ourselves and other people. We’re both people who love to help others and I think we could do a lot of good. I think we could live a very nice life together, quit our stressful jobs, and do whatever we wanted.

Having said that, I wouldn’t leave anybody if I won a lot of money. I really love my relationship with my husband. I don’t tell him that a lot, but he’s been a really wonderful guy and takes care of me and others so well. People like that in their personal and professional lives need nice surprises.

Okay, that’s all I’ll say for now. I need to get this studying started. I hope everyone is well, especially those back home in Texas who are dealing with yet another hurricane.

More Political Babble

| Ben

When I start “new” blogs, I usually start posting daily, but I didn’t do it this time. Way to go for me.

I try not to be too political in my writing because, well, it ruffles people’s panties. I don’t want to continuously piss people off. That’s not my goal… usually. Yet, politics is on my mind again.

When I first registered as a voter in the US, I registered as a Republican voter because my dad insisted on it and I just accepted that. Then I learned about what they stand for and changed it to Democrat. I’m much more for the people than the corporations and I don’t like what Republicans stand for. There are some ideas where I can say “Okay, that’s not so bad” but for a majority of what they believe, I don’t agree.

Having said that, I believe that a change between the both every so often is “healthy” for the country. I believe we work best when both sides actually cooperate, but as we’ve seen during this administration, that doesn’t happen very often.

In regards to the USA, I am an overseas voter. I try to vote in most of the major elections and I vote for the lesser evil. My vote is for Texas though, and it’s quite well-known how Texas usually votes, so my side loses… a lot. Oh well, what can you do?

I’m really hoping for a change (or return) to some kind of normality next year. Sadly, I’m not convinced that US citizens care about electing the best person for the job, as we’ve seen. I see the Great Orange Overlord getting ‘blessed’ with another four years. I really hope I’m proven wrong. I really do.

As I’ve said, I’m going to eventually shy away from posting my political thoughts. I hope.

Anyway, I don’t know if any of that had a point. Maybe it’s just that I wanted to talk about myself. I love talking about myself. 🙂

I hope everyone is doing well. If you’ve migrated over from Idiologic, welcome back! 🙂

What’s to Hate About Australia?

| Ben

I came across a news article this morning about an American backpacker hating things about Australia and immediately got a bit defensive. Strange, huh? I’m a dual citizen of Australia and the USA and I’ve been here for over ten years now, so I’m used to how things work here. I’ve adapted to changes the best I can but there are still things that irritate me. Some of the things I agree with and I was surprised.

Here’s a few things he said and my comment about them:

Slow Wi-Fi

Agree.

The Wi-Fi that’s available in restaurants or offered by the cities here is incredibly slow. The internet, in general, has always been slow. It’s been decent at universities but yeah, you wouldn’t want to go to your local McDonald’s and try to get anything done. He complained about it taking 5-7 hours to upload a YouTube video and that’s not wrong. I’ve got faster internet at home, but it’s not as good as it is in the USA. I’m always relieved when I head back to the USA and get online. Australia really needs to do better.

‘Aggressive’ Flies

Agree, 1000%.

The flies totally ruin my summer to the point where I don’t even want to walk outside sometimes. It’s especially annoying where I am living now (out in the country). I’m actually thankful for the really hot days when they all get cooked. They’re just annoying. After more than a decade, I still hate the flies.

Compulsory Helmet Wearing

Disagree.

Whatever promotes safety is fine with me. I don’t mind if the government steps in to make people comply.

No Free Refills

Disagree.

It was annoying when I first got here (and some places actually DO refills, but it’s not common). It’s one of those things that was just an annoyance but I’ve learned to live with it and pay for anything extra I get. It also cuts down the amount of sugar I have as well.

And have you seen the sizes of cups in the USA? Do people really need those refilled???

Speed Cameras

Disagree.

Bring them on. If you’re not speeding, you have nothing to worry about and if you feel like the fine you’ve gotten is unjustified, then dispute it. Easy. It’s all about public safety (and also revenue).

Paying at the Petrol/Gas Pump

Agree.

At most places, this isn’t possible. I’d have to say that I’ve seen it maybe once or twice since I’ve lived in Australia. It was so bad that I was a little confused when I went to the USA and totally forgot what I needed to do to pump gas. I did like that system. The less people I have to deal with, the better.

And now, my very small list:

Store Hours

In a lot of places, the hours stores stay open is terrible at best. When you’re living out in the country like I am, you’re lucky to find any place that’s open on the weekend. You end up having to drive to a bigger town that’s an hour away just to do your shopping. And you have to be quick because these places close around 5 pm.

A lot of places close at 4:30 pm but people leave their job at 5 pm. Yeah.

Fines, Everywhere

Instead of putting people in jail or prison, the government would rather fine you. They aren’t cheap fines either. I guess they’d rather have the cash flow than putting people in jail. I totally get it but a lot of the time, people don’t even pay those. I have received one for $250-ish one time for losing my train ticket. I found that ticket by the time I left, so I guess that’s a win?

It’s hard to list the negatives, honestly. I have so many nice things to say about Australia. Obviously, I love living here. I’d much rather live here than the USA, honestly.

Every place has its negatives and flaws and I feel like the positives outweigh the negatives. I’m happy here.

Would I be happy in the USA? I could find happiness there. I never was incredibly unhappy there. I just feel safer here. I could build a life there if I had to but why do that when Australia in general is so awesome.

So, from this American, I love being here and I’m so lucky to live in this country!

Injustice & Inequality

| Ben

What do I think about what’s happening in the USA right now?

I don’t really post a lot of my feelings about current events from the USA because I’m perpetually disappointed in my home country. I see a lot of #AllLivesMatter stuff on my Facebook wall and it’s usually from the people I expect. No surprises here. They’re people who can’t bear to be blamed and don’t want to take responsibility for the many, MANY acts of injustices that happen to people of color every single day. Let’s face it. It is a problem. It needs addressed and if peacefully bringing it to our leaders’ attention isn’t working, obviously something else must be done.

The inequality must be addressed. It’s not. We’ve got a president who will go and hide, tweeting from his hiding place, inciting hatred, and causing problems. Nothing is going to change until we change the quality of leadership.

You know something though? I can almost guarantee that change is not going to happen next year. I don’t have any faith left in US citizens to make sound decisions. I have even less faith in most of the so-called leaders. So far, they don’t lead, they just divide.

Before we address the #AllLivesMatter thing, we need to tackle the inequality concerning black lives. The statistics are abysmal and they’re not something that I am proud of as a dual national of the USA.

A lot of times, what I type here doesn’t come out as clear as I’d like it to but what I’m saying is that the racial divisiveness and injustice needs to stop. I am a supporter from afar. I know justice can happen but sadly with the state of the US, it is not within grasp with our current head of state.